6th Annual Mountaineers Banquet and Photo Review

Plans are being completed for the organizations 6th annual celebration of nothing in particular.

The event is to be held in the backyard of founding Member Mark Posth's palatial San Francisco Estate on February 28th, 2009.

Because of the recent downturn in the economy, instead of the usual exotic buffet (Prime Rib of Zebra, Poached Eel, etc.) the menu will consist entirely of beef jerky and power goo.

Members are encouraged to bring their own desert to share, as we only have one root beer hard candy left from last year's expedition (we have cleaned off most of the lint).

A grand time is guaranteed for all !! Dress warmly, as it is unlikely any of us will be allowed indoors.

Hope to see you there!

Ultralight Packing Philosophy

Our group has studied and refined the methodologies currently in vogue known as "ultralight" backpacking. These techniques can include such things as removing the labels from clothing, trimming the excess from shoelaces and hacking the handle from your toothbrush (or leaving it behind).

While we applaud these popular new trends, we feel that it is very important to not lose sight of the ultimate purpose of these techniques: being able to pack more luxury food items.

With some care in trimming the non-essentials, you can easily include wine, baked goods and fresh vegetables on your next trip.

Brave Mountain Lion Fends Off Group Of Hikers

EUREKA, CA—[From that bastion of backpacker knowledge, The Onion]
-- A local mountain lion came face-to-face with a group of hikers and made it out alive, sources reported Monday. Wildlife officials are crediting the courageous cougar's quick thinking, catlike reflexes, and 150 pounds of coiled muscle with successfully fending off the human foot travelers.

The mountain lion was reportedly enjoying a quiet afternoon walk around Redwood National Park, on the same path it had taken almost every single day for the past three years, when it heard a rustling sound emanating from the underbrush. Upon investigation, the large feline noticed that a pack of hikers—one adult male, two young children, and an adult female that it instantly recognized as the mother—had crossed into territory that the cat had clearly marked as its own via tree scrapings and urine.

Outnumbered four to one, the cougar, fearing for its life, somehow managed to stay calm. It remained perfectly still in a crouched position and stared directly at the hikers, in the hopes that they would simply pass by. The hikers, however, were undeterred. They began shrieking loudly, clapping their hands, and throwing sticks and rocks at the animal in an apparent attempt to injure it.

"Nothing can prepare a mountain lion for an encounter with four hikers," said park ranger Kenneth Meiggs, noting that it is unusual to find hikers in that particular area of the woods. "In order to defend itself, the cougar had to rely on pure instinct alone."

Armed with nothing more than four-inch claws, razor-sharp teeth, and a 5.4-meter vertical leap, the mountain lion lunged at the adult male hiker. In a defensive measure, it pinned the hiker to the ground, thus disabling the man's primary means of attack. After a brief struggle, the animal was eventually able to lock onto the hiker's skull with its jaw.

"Repeated biting of the skull and face is the textbook way to fend off a human attack," said Mike Kasperski, biologist and author of the book Hikers: Shadows In The Forest.

The mother, however, became increasingly aggressive due to the presence of her young. She reportedly ran toward the mountain lion with a four-inch-wide log and began striking it upon the head. Not knowing what else to do, the feline tore a foot-wide hole in the hiker's stomach, but the enraged female continued to fight, poking the feline in the eye with her finger. The cougar, in a last-ditch effort for survival, whipped its claws across the woman's throat, killing her instantly.

Remarkably, this brave mountain lion is only 4 and a half years old.

"It's amazing what some mountain lions are capable of when faced with the most dire of circumstances," Meiggs said. "To think that those hikers were a mere 20 yards away, and the lion walked away unscathed…. Wow."

The two younger hikers received small lacerations on their legs and chest, while the adult male is being treated for massive head trauma and internal bleeding. The mother, identified as Cyndi Thalls, 38, of Pacoima, CA, was pronounced dead at the scene.

"I think it's safe to say those hikers will think twice before getting into another tussle with this feisty little fellow," Meiggs added with a chuckle.

Following the incident, the mountain lion retreated into the woods, escaping with nothing more than a few minor scratches and a blood-covered snout. At press time, it is resting comfortably on a large rock.

(I posted this because this kind of stuff happens to us a lot. Good to know someone else is getting it sometime. -- Mark)

More at The Onion---
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/brave_mountain_lion_fends_off

SMOKEY THE BEAR SUTRA

BY GARY SNYDER

Once in the Jurassic about 150 million years ago, the Great Sun Buddha in this corner of the Infinite Void gave a discourse to all the assembled elements and energies: to the standing beings, the walking beings, the flying beings, and the sitting beings--even the grasses, to the number of thirteen billion, each one born from a seed, assembled there: a Discourse concerning Enlightenment on the planet Earth.

"In some future time, there will be a continent called America. It will have great centers of power called such as Pyramid Lake, Walden Pond, Mt. Rainier, Big Sur, Everglades, and so forth; and powerful nerves and channels such as Columbia River, Mississippi River, and Grand Canyon. The human race in that era will get into troubles all over its head, and practically wreck everything in spite of its own strong intelligent Buddha-nature."

"The twisting strata of the great mountains and the pulsings of volcanoes are my love burning deep in the earth. My obstinate compassion is schist and basalt and granite, to be mountains, to bring down the rain.

In that future American Era I shall enter a new form; to cure the world of loveless knowledge that seeks with blind hunger: and mindless rage eating food that will not fill it."

And he showed himself in his true form of

SMOKEY THE BEAR


A handsome smokey-colored brown bear standing on his hind legs, showing that he is aroused and watchful.

Bearing in his right paw the Shovel that digs to the truth beneath appearances; cuts the roots of useless attachments, and flings damp sand on the fires of greed and war;
His left paw in the mudra of Comradely Display--indicating that all creatures have the full right to live to their limits and that of deer, rabbits, chipmunks, snakes, dandelions, and lizards all grow in the realm of the Dharma;

Wearing the blue work overalls symbolic of slaves and laborers, the countless men oppressed by a civilization that claims to save but often destroys;

Wearing the broad-brimmed hat of the west, symbolic of the forces that guard the wilderness, which is the Natural State of the Dharma and the true path of man on Earth: all true paths lead through mountains--


With a halo of smoke and flame behind, the forest fires of the kali-yuga, fires caused by the stupidity of those who think things can be gained and lost whereas in truth all is contained vast and free in the Blue Sky and Green Earth of One Mind;

Round-bellied to show his kind nature and that the great earth has food enough for everyone who loves her and trusts her;
Trampling underfoot wasteful freeways and needless suburbs, smashing the worms of capitalism and totalitarianism;

Indicating the task: his followers, becoming free of cars, houses, canned foods, universities, and shoes, master the Three Mysteries of their own Body, Speech, and Mind; and fearlessly chop down the rotten trees and prune out the sick limbs of this country America and then burn the leftover trash.

Wrathful but calm.
Austere but Comic.
Smokey the Bear will Illuminate those who would help him; but for those who would hinder or slander him...

HE WILL PUT THEM OUT.


Thus his great Mantra:
Namah samanta vajranam chanda maharoshana
Sphataya hum traka ham mam

"I DEDICATE MYSELF TO THE UNIVERSAL DIAMOND BE THIS RAGING FURY BE DESTROYED"


And he will protect those who love the woods and rivers, Gods and animals, hobos and madmen, prisoners and sick people, musicians, playful women, and hopeful children:


And if anyone is threatened by advertising, air pollution, television, or the police, they should chant SMOKEY THE BEAR'S WAR SPELL:

DROWN THEIR BUTTS
CRUSH THEIR BUTTS
DROWN THEIR BUTTS
CRUSH THEIR BUTTS

And SMOKEY THE BEAR will surely appear to put the enemy out with his vajra-shovel.


Now those who recite this Sutra and then try to put it in practice will accumulate merit as countless as the sands of Arizona and Nevada.

Will help save the planet Earth from total oil slick.

Will enter the age of harmony of man and nature.

Will win the tender love and caresses of men, women, and beasts.


Will always have ripened blackberries to eat and a sunny spot under a pine tree to sit at.

AND IN THE END WILL WIN HIGHEST PERFECT ENLIGHTENMENT
...thus we have heard...

(may be reproduced free forever)

2008-- Off trail, out of our minds

Here's results from our most recent trip to the Emigrant Wilderness.

Why Panamerican Mountaineering and Culinary Association?

Well... we don't know for sure. We got the word from Headquarters one day that we had a name and that was it. We also have stuff to do. We have to hit the trail repeatedly on long hard hikes. Sometimes we just eat a lot and talk a lot. Depending on the strength of the No Doze and coffee. And the availability of our Mountain Chef, Dana.

Take a compass

Always remember to take a compass...it is awkward to be forced to to eat your friends.

Steve Fossett Memorial expedition

Adventurer James Stephen Fossett (April 22, 1944 – September 3, 2007) was a confirmed member of the Explorers Club, and a fellow of the Royal Geographical Society, but it has long been rumoured that he was also a member in good standing of our sister organization the International Society of Ancient Mariners and Lost Navigators. (more details on their blog Steve Fosset Memorial )

The Society has decided to commemorate Fosset's many accomplishments with a memorial to be constructed near where a hiker found Fossett's crash site in the Sierra Nevada Mountains.

The Panamerican Mountaineering and Culinary Association has been asked to lead an expedition to erect the monument sometime in 2009.

New International Society of Ancient Mariners and Lost Navigators blog

Although we are not a seafaring group we do get lost quite a bit, so we have begun an affiliation with a maritime organization that honors the joys of being lost.

http://ancintmarinerslostnavigators.blogspot.com/